St. Thomas & District Right to Life, St. Thomas, Ontario, 519-633-LIFE, stthomas@respectforlife.ca

There is a tendency in society today to find excuses for people's actions, to lay blame on outside factors when people make bad decisions. For example, we may blame a dysfunctional family, an incidence of abuse or a childhood of poverty when someone commits a crime, destroys other lives, or turns to drugs and alcohol for solace. We put the onus on the education system, a teacher's bias, or peer pressure when our children don't get the results we'd like in school. We blame the media, the friends our children hang out with, and condom failure when our kids become pregnant unexpectedly or are diagnosed with a sexually transmitted disease. We justify our own actions by comparing ourselves to people who are worse, whose actions cause more visible damage than do ours. And yet, we all know people who have made a significant impact on society despite being born in poverty, or abused; students who excel despite the odds against them; and friends who take the high road consistently. These people have made good choices in life irrespective of their backgrounds. We need to accept the reality that we are responsible for our actions. We have the power to make good decisions or poor ones and we will live with the consequences, good or bad.

Dr. John Patrick, speaking at conference organized by the Focus on the Family organization, made the comment that we are unlikely to ever change the behaviour of "street kids" because they believe in fate. They accept their lives as they are and don't see the possibility of any other life for themselves. They don't understand this basic truth people are dealth a more difficult hand to work with and that their struggle may be much greater than others; we must be empathetic and not judgmental in working with them. On the other hand, there is a whole generation of teenagers who have heard nearly every kind of behaviour excused - even wife beating on a defence of being drunk! We must explain to them that the decisions they make usually result in specific consequences and that they are responsible for their actions.

A skit which brings this point home clearly to teens revolves around a dating scenario. The discussion it between two friends about why one friend went "all the way" with her boyfriend the night before. She really doesn't understand. As her friend prods her with questions, she responds that she had forgotten his parents were away on holiday when she went to his house, and that his bedrrom was in the basement when he invited her downstairs. She had taken some clothes off because it was getting warm with the fire in the fireplace, and had watched some steamy videos because there wasn't much on television. She also remembered lying down on the bed because the chairs were uncomfortable and so on.

In the same way, pregnant teenagers often explain that they didn't mean to go all the way and didn't plan to get pregnant, as if they weren't responsible for their actions. Unfortunately, they still have to live with the consequences. If we could help them understand that clearly before they make their chocies, it would certainly help.

By Marilyn Bergeron appearing in The Chastity Connection: A publication of the Canadian Alliance for Chastity, Fall 1997, Issue #12